Go down to the corner store, and buy yourself a clue!

Saturday

Go down to the corner store, and buy yourself a clue!

Never again. If the last time, I build a wall, now I’m building a fortress. It may be fun, it may be sexy, but I don’t want to fall..

I still play pretend. That no matter what I do, I can’t. A guy was making me cum over and over. And when it was done, he looked at the panties, and wanted to keep it. I realize that was PCFC Christmas gift to me. Quickly I threw it away. He threw me away, why can’t I throw this away. I wonder, if he still keeps my favourite topshop panties.

There are days, I lay alone. I imagine he comes for me, the way he promised. I’ll take you away, should just be changed to goodbye. No more, I told myself. Every time it’s the same story. I fell in love, the guy gets insecure. He cheats, and later he pushes it back to me. No more. I told myself. I deserve better than this entire BS. That m@therf*&er. How was I so blind?

If he ever calls, I want to tell him, stop sitting on my chest. If he comes, I want to tell him, I don’t know how to react, to either kiss you or kill you. If he finally realizes the truth, I wish I could just tell him, it doesn’t matter anymore. Because, I don’t want to go down that hole again. I don’t want to be the one that keeps listening to your stupid invalid arguments, that has no f@cking truth in it. I can’t look at you, after the reflection of me in your eyeballs. I couldn’t believe I tried fighting for you. You are such a f&*king waste. I couldn’t believe you made me think of myself that way, you shallow bastard. I don’t want anything to do with you.

I want to wake up from this nightmare, and I never met him. At least I was cynical yet happy. Instead of this hopeless pathetic idiot, that keeps having your fucking face to haunt me, even when I don’t even remember how you look like. I want to start believing the rest. But the moment they show any sign, I run. I can’t go through it again. I keep thinking, he’ll fuck you up as well.

I WANT YOU TO NEVER EXIST IN MY LIFE.

Sheshag was adorably sweet. I will see him, but I will never love him.I couldn’t. I even told him, I was still in love with that motherf*cker. He just smiled, and held me. I’m done. And this alcohol is getting into me. Tomorrow, I’ll deny I ever write this.