Before the holy month hits.. and I have to be good!

Before the holy month hits.. and I have to be good!

It started, when I got stuck at a lame birthday, which made me feel out of place.

I decided to lie, about what I do for a living. Told the guy I was a pilot, and he bought every bit of it. Down a few shots, and hit the clubs. Had to go through a hit and run case, where I saw “Baldy”. Oh no! I don’t want to see him anywhere around. Doesn’t he go anywhere else? Half way, he started texting where am i? I just replied drunk somewhere. Can’t screw anyone without bumping into them can ya?

Then after looking for the tube glasses, he decided to buy me more drinks. He use to be a friend of a friend, and damn he was adorable. Next thing I know, everything was a blur, and I was making out with one of my girlfriends while pictures start snapping. What’s worst, the horny guy next to me who was trying to get to know another girl friend of mine found out where I worked. He turned out to be the CEO of my biggest account. That sobered me for 3 seconds. All I could say about that nite, is that I am staying off partying in KL for while. Bits and pieces rushed in, and I remember my friend pulling my hair, pushing me against the wall, as he had his hand under my skirt. And I remember, he got pissed when I refuse to give him my number!

Rushed over to the studio, I showered and they drove me to the airport. Surprise, surprise. Classic, I missed my flight. We hung out for 5 hours, while my head was still spinning like a drunken ballerina on the dance floor. It took hell for me to reach there! With my shirt unbuttoned in Kuala Besut, the driver waited in another state, and bringing a bottle of alcohol into Kota Bharu!

I love the serenity and how I felt at ease with tranquility there. Saw a few shooting stars, while an Italian tried to talk to me. All I could think of is, go away, and leave me at peace with the stars. He tried to kiss me and grab me couple of times, and I keep pushing him away. Let me be! In the end, I fell asleep under the stars, until the boys woke me up and told me that they are cleaning up the place. I swore I saw the moon, but they told me I didn’t. (Turned out, I did!!!)

When the next night arrives, I had my sights on the cute bartender, but the Oreo guy had spent the whole night with me.**I thought it wouldn’t be fair. If a girl ever needs to feel amazing, this was her moment. Both guys (random and no connection to one another) sitting on each side, trying hard to impress. Oreos seems more impressive, the way he played it cool. Although he didn’t even try to touch me whereas the cute 20-year old bartender had his hands right on my ass and my waist and they both know what was going on. In short, ended my night, with my panties around my ankle, outside under the stars, sands all over my ass and some lady yelled asking us to be quieter with the Oreo. Till today, I am without a voice. It was so friggin’ hot! The way he worshiped every curve and screwed me like he was trying to break me. We watched the sunset, and I took my leave. Later, we bumped into each other, while he tries to ask for my e-mail and number. It’s too cute. He mentioned skiing over in Switzerland and I just smiled. He leaned over, and I just kiss his cheeks.

Later, I went swimming by myself, as I said goodbye to my little paradise. Hung out with the boys in Kota Bharu, and today I have found the name of that adorable bartender.

I was driving home, when I realized, I’m really f**ked. Wtf?? Its been 3 guys in a month. I guess this is for all the time, I was loyal and turned to waste huh? If sheshag asks again, if I still love PCFC, now, I am ready to say No. I am not, no more. I don’t miss him, only what we were. It wasn’t worth saving. And I’m doing better, cause no matter whatever he said, or whatever he thinks I am, I know I’m nothing like that. I only let this side of me shows, when I am single, and I know I can’t hurt anyone! I am nothing like him.

I know this is out of character. But, I don't want to fall in love, although SheShag, could make me grin all day with his e-mail. I know, I am without commitment, and heck, there's nothing wrong, and I am not hurting anyone with this. They all know, where I stand, and I make sure, that's where it ends. :)

xoxo

Rollo Tomassi

**Oreo’s because when I bought biscuits he was giving me tips saying that is horrible, and when I picked Oreos he said good choice, and bought a pack as well.

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Go down to the corner store, and buy yourself a clue!

Go down to the corner store, and buy yourself a clue!

Never again. If the last time, I build a wall, now I’m building a fortress. It may be fun, it may be sexy, but I don’t want to fall..

I still play pretend. That no matter what I do, I can’t. A guy was making me cum over and over. And when it was done, he looked at the panties, and wanted to keep it. I realize that was PCFC Christmas gift to me. Quickly I threw it away. He threw me away, why can’t I throw this away. I wonder, if he still keeps my favourite topshop panties.

There are days, I lay alone. I imagine he comes for me, the way he promised. I’ll take you away, should just be changed to goodbye. No more, I told myself. Every time it’s the same story. I fell in love, the guy gets insecure. He cheats, and later he pushes it back to me. No more. I told myself. I deserve better than this entire BS. That m@therf*&er. How was I so blind?

If he ever calls, I want to tell him, stop sitting on my chest. If he comes, I want to tell him, I don’t know how to react, to either kiss you or kill you. If he finally realizes the truth, I wish I could just tell him, it doesn’t matter anymore. Because, I don’t want to go down that hole again. I don’t want to be the one that keeps listening to your stupid invalid arguments, that has no f@cking truth in it. I can’t look at you, after the reflection of me in your eyeballs. I couldn’t believe I tried fighting for you. You are such a f&*king waste. I couldn’t believe you made me think of myself that way, you shallow bastard. I don’t want anything to do with you.

I want to wake up from this nightmare, and I never met him. At least I was cynical yet happy. Instead of this hopeless pathetic idiot, that keeps having your fucking face to haunt me, even when I don’t even remember how you look like. I want to start believing the rest. But the moment they show any sign, I run. I can’t go through it again. I keep thinking, he’ll fuck you up as well.

I WANT YOU TO NEVER EXIST IN MY LIFE.

Sheshag was adorably sweet. I will see him, but I will never love him.I couldn’t. I even told him, I was still in love with that motherf*cker. He just smiled, and held me. I’m done. And this alcohol is getting into me. Tomorrow, I’ll deny I ever write this.

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Another weekend

Another weekend

Friday
He said, “Its okay if you can’t come for the wedding. I never took anyone to Poland, and I want to take someone I like. When you go to Spain next year, maybe you can drop by London, and we’ll go there, drinking, eating and lazing in bed.” Made me smile and grin from ear to ear. I am never going to be, but I’ll take this little gestures you make and hold on to it, as my recovery sessions.

The bald-y text and ask where am I. I can’t deal with you.
So I lay in bed, stuck on Family Feud, and finished the second season of the wire. 3 more seasons to go!

Saturday
Woke up and because he made me sleep with a smile, I decided to put on the dress that he loved so much. I know now why he loved it so much. Under the right lighting, you could see everything underneath. It was the dress that he first laid eyes on me. Put it on, slab some make up, and make my way over to the Stadium. It was scorching hot outside, I waited for her, and I couldn’t believe I’m watching HIGH SCOOL MUSICAL ON ICE. The whole times, vision of the iron lotus from that stupidly funny ice skating movie keep flashing through my head. Then I saw my friend, with one of my bosses’ daughter. Couldn’t wait to tell the boys! Later that night, hang out with the boys, and watched Usain, beat the world record in style! Then I felt asleep on the that soft comfy mattress and I had pillows to cover my ass from showing to those I don’t want them to take a peek at it.

Sunday
The moment the girls heard, messages after messages came in. “Notty notty,” she said, “You are going to watch rugby, Oo… Since when hun?” another teased. I couldn’t stop laughing at it. Had lunch with the family and make my way to the field. Put on my gray super short pinafore – that I know my ex loved so much when I picked him up from that tennis game, as SHORTY picked me up moments later. Entered the field with my boys and started watching something I completely didn’t understand. The weather was suicidal, making me sweat at every corner of myself to death. Then while I was hanging with the boys, he looked and smiled shocked to see me in broad daylight. While I was talking to others, he stole me away, by saying “Hey”, and started talking to me. While his team mates stared, my boys, stepped back and grinned at me, and told me to play it cool. Adorable. I smiled nervously and said, this is awkward, there's a reason one night stand should not bump in broad daylight. Then and old friend (one that I don't quite like) told em, how the rest are have been checking. An ego boost, that I much need.. make laugh myself silly. Later that night, I watched the game and in disappointment see us bag a silver medal. The only silver medal. And yet, even before I could manage to see my country’s flag go up, those idiot change the channel to watch a Chelsea game. Idiots! Well, here's an outfit dedicated to you love. Know you didn't play as expected and I am not on holiday today, but I still have loads of love for ya!

xoxo

Rollo Tomassi on her boring yet entertaining weekend

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Take the blue pill

Take the blue pill

Sheshags came down to KL for two days.

I am dried up till next season. It was multiple, triple, and god knows. 2 days in paradise, just lazing with him in bed, while he admired every bit. Funny, yet in my mind. This is the hottest body, close in comparison with Robin. I love when he was constantly couldn’t get his hands of me. Reminds me of… whatever. The way they look at you, could make you want to swallow the red pill and stay in wonderland and see how far down the rabbit hole you’ll be dragged into. It felt good again, to wake up with someone holding you, admiring every bit of you, and couldn’t get enough of you. But I ‘ll opt for the blue pill, to wake up and leave it to that, as if it was just a beautiful dream. Never again, I wanna put myself in that BS.

2 weeks in the row. Funny.. at one point, I thought, how pathetic. Early 08, I wanted poster child 4 cocaine to be my first, and halfway, up until last month I thought, he would be the only one for this year, because I couldn’t see myself with anybody else. And then, after a horrible one…. A string of 2 amazing ones this month. Must be last call at the bar before I hit the holy month. This week.. I should just count blessings, that adding up the count.

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Make Me Sick and Lick My Wounds

Make Me Sick and Lick My Wounds

It’s been a good week. Maybe it’s because I’m fulfilled with something as meaningless as that Saturday night and even meaningless Sunday morning that have left me with bruises on my back and my knees (seriously- never do a rugger on the floor!).

I’m not pissed that the creative changed like a gazillion time, and I am not pissed that my work is not done.

Being happy is making me worry, that depression will hit soon.

xoxo
Rollo Tomassi dropping a note

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Ode to the people that have made me smile

Ode to the people that have made me smile

I find it sweet, that even when I haven’t met her for the longest time, she listened and went Ooh, Ahhh, and are you okay?

I find it sweet that my mom was taken a back when I rushed home, rushing to pack, and I snapped. Later, my mom thought I didn’t need her in my life. All because I said, “I’m miserable and shoes make happy. Let me shop!”

I find it sweet that although I know you hate my guts, when you were at her bachelorette party, you tried to act civilized.

I find it sweet that everyone was pushing me to hook up, even though the nite wasn’t about me.

I find it sweet, that you find him for me, dear. Just because I smiled, when I talked about how hot it was. And within seconds, you called me and told me his name. Just because I said, it'll be great to have him as my booty call.

I find it sweet, that after we had sex, he was caressing and worshipping the curves on me, even when I am 4kg overweight.

I find it sweet, that another guy that I have been giving a hard time keep telling me I like you, and keep wishing me a good Sunday.

I find it sweet, that a guy I met briefly keep telling me that I made him smile, even if I know in a few days time, I will be forgotten. It is sweet that he mailed me as soon as he is back in civilization.

I find it sweet, that my friends notice how many times I talked about my ex, and say it outloud, “She’s been telling the story for 10 times,”instead of rolling their eyes in disgust.

I find it sweet, that they were worried, and knocked on the door and teased me about it.

I find it sweet, that even after someone vomited on my dress, you still wanted to hold me.

I find it sweet, that all three guys, although all of them different in so many ways, keep telling me how beautiful I am, when I am feeling at my worst.

I find it sweet, that my ex didn't call me anymore, so I could move on, rather than suffer his wrath for something he has no idea about.

Everything may seem hollow, but I realized how much people can really make my day, if I let them.

xoxo
Rollo Tomassi on her better days

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Finally!!!!!!

Finally!!!!!!

Its Monday, I’m still reminiscing.
Every touch, every vision of it, gets me squirming.
Damn that was hot.
What was hotter was the fact that I decided to go out of character, and just do what I wouldn’t normally do. He didn’t even know my name. That was the beauty of it.

xoxo
Rollo Tomassi

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