Work is staring at me in face.
He’s right and so are they. I have mood swings. Lazy ass ma f**ka. I have nothing meaningful to say. He doesn't either. I’m hungry and unable to function. Can’t wait for 3 more weeks. Then I don’t need to function. I just unwind.
Life’s too short to be pissed off all the time – American History X.
I wish she had watched that movie. If she has, I wished she had paid attention to the last words in that movie. Maybe then, she wouldn’t be so toxic that her hair went blonder (that’s the word lah!) last night. Her anger -her ears fuming that she could not even hear me apologizing or trying to tell her in polite and pleasant manner to conceal and blemish my sarcasm that wanted to jump out and make a guest appearance like on Jay Leno show. It could either be anger or she's no longer snorting drugs but putting in her ears.
She is a pathetic excuse for a person, and what made it sad, is that she has too much pride and ego to realize it. She’s such a gold digger that her head have turned to look like the ugliest color of gold. Look closer, it’s actually the color of rust that looks just like end of a broom that the witches use as a cushion for their ass.
You lie and you cheat, hey no wrong doing in that, just own up for your own mistakes instead of putting others to blame. Sheesh.
xoxo
Rollo Tomassi
Malicious. Toxic. Irreparable.
People can define you, but they might not be right. It can also be, this is how you portray yourself to the world.
Time out…
She’s right. Read the news. It’s the number one selling page-
turner today. Reminding you, life is so much more than what you go through. Ignore the toxic smell of print and the glaring eye blinding TV set. You can now channel your anger not at him – but at that scum of person who stuffed veggie’s in that 8 year old girl’s private parts.
Stare blankly for a moment…
It helps you put things in a perspective for a while. It kills time and let you go through the day. Zone out for a second. You might actually need it. Everything is moving at a supersonic range of speed. Watch for a second how life can pass you by.
Breathe …
Life can be overwhelming sometimes. As long as you remember what matters most to you.
Smile … 
Despite all the drama and routine. You might get that magical moment. The first-kiss. A stranger who holds your attention with a scintillating conversation that you’ll remember for the next 3 months. That exact moment when your hands get sweaty, your hearts racing through time and your head just gets heavy (in other words, you’re horny and he’s hot).
xoxo
Rollo Tomassi
Behind this screen and clicking noise of the keyboard she hides. A pathetic mouse. A vision of cowardice that can make you wanna hurl and vomit. Yes, that’s me.. In between cubicles... lost typing her thoughts or in the car cruising around despite the petrol hike, cynical and wishing she was stoned.
So many random thoughts, so much work to finish. Yet what is she doing? Switching from her blog to her e-mail. Setting her chair low, so no one would see her, only hear her grumbling tummy getting hungry.
So here’s my thought on you, baby!
I hate the fact everything is about you. I hate the fact that I have to play games just to keep you. Can’t we just be? Wait I’m tired.. can you just let me be.
Every single detail is about you. When you want to talk, when you want to get emotional, when you are in the mood, when you get f**ked up. I am a frigging passenger and this is the exact moment where your driving is at its extreme recklessness and I want to open the door, hurl and vomit every single emotion. Glance at you and say, this is my stop dude, bugger off.
F**k that you’ve been hurt! - so have I, but if you weren't soooo self conceited and narcissistic, you might notice that. So you met someone nice? Go for it. Why hold on to something that by the end of the day it only goes round in circle. The end is inevitable. You are just so afraid that I would desert and deceit you, so I want to give you the benefit of getting bored of me. So that you can keep your self-fulfilling, only child syndrome, I- want-to-prove-to-the-world ego intact. I’m not stupid, I pretend to be so that I can watch how you play around with all this and still get away not looking like a train wreck. See baby, what you don’t know is - playing the victim is easy. You want me when I’m holding the doorknob. You miss me when I’m looking at others. You are defensive and jealous, cause you don’t want to look like a fool. You know what F**K YOU.
But by the end of the day, when u call, I keep quiet. I will laugh at something silly you say and keep my voice to the way you like it. Why? Coz again, I'm a f**king coward hiding behind her the screen.
xoxo
Rollo Tomassi
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Eyes open, I stared at my phones. Saw the time, sh** I’m late. F**k, still nothing from you.
I look at the clock, it moves slowly. Even a minute hasn’t passed.
I stared at the screen its blank to me. I searched frantically through my mails, I delusion myself that your name was in my inbox. And then I saw his message. I reminisce. My decision, my mistake - glaring back at me. I would have been happy with him. In theory – he was perfect for me. In reality I choose you.
I agree with what she says, life gets like a routine. Compulsive obsessive routine. Today, I want to break out of mine. Cause you have been my routine.
Its pathetic how you consume my every thought, and yet I feel like I have hit the ground, smash faced. No longer falling, but on the ground I hold on to you. Feeble. Pathetic. Moronic.
I should have a diary, of your f**king desideratum. And it goes it little something like this
Friday – Drive me crazy. We fantasize. You miss me. 
Saturday – You were jealous. You call me cocky. You are crazy about me.
Sunday – You said you’d call; yet here’s to another party. Hello coke!
Monday – I thought something bad happened. No words from you.
Tuesday – You made me delusional. You told me you are okay. You want to see me again. You miss me.
Wednesday – You met someone. YOU want to talk. I just don’t care. You got weird. You ask questions. Your phone got f**ked. You told me lets be ignorant. You think it’s meaningless without obsessing.
With your every worthless word, we get further away. This distance is not helping.
It’s easy to see, how dysfunctional we are. What’s more f**ked up is that I consume this. Misbehaving makes me feel like we are both in the ditch.
TODAY – You are in my blacklist. I’m done. I’m so over you. At least for today .
Stare at the wall. Pretend to be deaf. Pretend not to care.
But f**k this s**t. I do.
I don’t want to get married. Wait let me rephrase that. I don’t want to get married just yet. And if I don’t – ever, my life is not about that! But when she looked at me like that, and thought the way she raised us was wrong, when she thought she’s a bad mother. That broke my heart.
Now do I have to say goodbye to him?? Or do I still play high school.
xoxo
Rollo Tomassi
Price of oil will be increased again because Petronas is not able to sustain subsidies, since they have been paying close to RM50billion for the past 10 years..
Sigh.. right now.. I wish somebody would start subsidizing me. 1.3 Satria Neo fuel consumption is really biting me in the ass. I filled up 70ringers Full Tank on Friday, and today I’m left with a halfie
NO MORE LATE NIGHT CRUISING
Soon enough I should hold up a gas station not for the cash, but for the gas…
Tomorrow is the first day of Ramadhan. I need to wake up in 3 hours time, and start cracking on my 4 new proposal that I have asked my boss to pass over to me and have sahur with the family.
My head is beginning to spin from the cough med. I hate cough med, this is the only way to take it to clear my coughs, down it like a tequila shot, drink lots of coke and smoke, This is the only way I cope.
I saw a Proton Saga just now, I panicked. Why am I still avoiding my ex? I just installed call manager and blacklist on both my n series phone. And he is blacklisted in both my phones. I don’t want to know that he no longer thinks I am the only one for him. Why? Is this normal?
Exchange of fighting words is a crucial art of survival to some. When we are hurt, we just want to hurt the other as well. Is it a defense mechanism.. To hurt another then to be hurt. To mask our anger and pain, we inflict the pain unto others. When did we stop just making fun of ourselves? When did we stopped enjoying falling down and hurting ourselves silly (wait, did we ever do that?)
This entry is definitely jumbled up. So bear with me…
If working days was actually 4 days a week. Would we be happy? Would it be enough days for us
to recuperate after a week of labouring/whoring ourselves to our work? Would we finally be efficient and competent to face the challenges that we face during 9-5? Why are we Malaysians are so obsessed about our work, that we live to work, not work to live. We are drones. However, without much of this, I would have not appreciated the 3 days weekend break that we just had.
Although that Thursday, after the grand finale event, I ended up sleeping like a dead baby till the celebration of 50th Merdeka was over, at least I know what independence means to me. It meant “ I could bloody h**l sleep, even with loud bangs of the firework, I am not hiding under the bed thinking it’s a bomb!” Either way, being 25, you just lost the willpower to fight through the crowd and jam-packed areas, lining up to enter a party.
Fast-forward it, the next thing I know, it was Sunday all over again. Woke up regretting the game of “ Never Have I ever…(If it wasn’t for that game, I would not be stuck with a headache and a huge appetite for Briyani Gam the next day). I end up cruising around Klang Valley without a smile and thinking I should get a life with the constant thought in my head -I know he is punishing me because I didn’t picked up the damn phone (again, another moment to blame on that game).
So, I end up tossing on turning on the bed, exposing my vulnerable self to him again at 2 in the morning, while he hung up the phone still convinced that I cheated on him. Just because I have big t*t**s, I am labeled for life (okay, fine, truth was I was out with another guy for 2 months while we were going out and he found out about it 3 months ago – but then again, during that time, I didn’t know we were actually together. :P). I never had been in a relationship when someone actually believes that I did spend the night alone, drunk and horny. Stumbled on my heels, threw my bag away, slept under the blanket, drooling with only my panties on.
So.
Why the f**k does it hurt so much over those things he said. And why the f**k, I keep forgetting
that I am pissed at him instead of cursing when I hung up, and when he called it all disappears. When did I master the art to lie bury something painful till I completely erase it from my memory. F**k. Or without realizing, without even fighting, the culture of Malay/ Asian women of swallowing our own bitter pain is just encoded into my f**king DNA. God, we are so tragic!
Anyhow, here I am again. After a great weekend of rest, food and partying with substance, what am I left with. A migraine and dry cough, a boyfriend who is miles away - now convinced that I am screwing somebody else, panda looking eyes-even without eyeliner, and looking like crap in the office today. Don’t we just have it all…
xoxo
Rollo Tomassi
©2009Daily Dose of BS | by TNB
