Rambling on Substance
Another mistake made. What the heck.
I just wanted to highlight something that is becoming a controvery
Religion is about persuasion not compulsion, about faith not certainty, and that is the way we should keep it.
End this HOLI-DAZE
The traffic jam has now returned back to Klang Valley.
Great, now I have time to put on make up in the car again.
The aunties that constantly breaking even when the next car’s a far apart. The shuttle’s that is unable to see you and swerve right at you, sigh tunnel vision. And the motorbikes… oh the motorbikes… They are all making their way to the office.
Great! Now at least I do know that everyone else is back to work. Holidaze - should be over by today.
My exes are all over the room, hiding in corners.
I don’t remember when was the last time I spring clean my room. Must have been five years ago, because the ghost of all my exes seems to be all around the room. In little corners, they seem to hide little memories to remind me why I hate them or love them. It’s excruciating to find yourself where you are, and walking down memory lane of where you were.
In my box of CD’s, I have found my ex’s organizer. Inside it was blank without any notes but with one memento. It was a picture of him and her. Her, that snotty little bimbo who can neither act nor model. She has been in my room for at least 3 years! WTF??
Moving on, I decided to undertake heavy-duty chores. My closet. It is overstuffed with tiny baby tees and jeans at size 24 where I can never fit into again. Yes, this is just what my shrink ordered to boost my wounded ego and self esteem. Then stuck in between piles of things I can never wear were all HIS stuffs. T-shirts from various people I’ve ever been with ugly men t-shirts, oversized white shirts and variety sizes boxers.
Then, I went through my handbag drawer and I found a bunch of torn or broken handbags. One of the content of the handbag were scattered on the floor. Staring back at me was a bunch of card and a piece of paper. I slowly unfold the paper, and read through it. Maybe it was the hormones or the emotional instability but the water works was turned on. It began with quiet sobbing, and after few paragraphs I was bawling out like a broken stereo.
An e-mail, printed in A4 – hidden in my old handbag
It’s not mushy, but it just creeps into my skin. He always has a way of doing that. It’s just things that he says, crawls in and just kind of gets me. Like when he said,
That’s me. That’s truly me. I love doing that.
Then, I started bawling by the end of paragraph one, when he said
That’s why it was great; coz both of us didn’t have to over think. It was real. I wasn’t playing pretend; we were the best of ourselves.
Then whenever in doubt, we think of how we are together, and it just works.
By this line, I was a mess!
And it made me remember when he first told me he loved me. All he said was “you are early”, and I was pudding.
Moral of the story, throw it out. IT’S GARBAGE. IT’S OVER.
You don’t want to find bits and pieces and start crying in between a pile of old clothes and broken bags. It's not a pretty picture. It's pathetic. So throw it out...
A CLEAN ROOM IS A SIGN OF A SICK MIND
When I start cleaning, it means I need a project and something to keep me occupied. Maybe I am going through an early mid life crisis. I no longer know what I want or who I am.
For those who don’t know me, I am a person who loves beautiful things but am definitely not domesticated. I am not a rich kid, but I am a brat.
Put it this way, I went on leave for a week, and out of Malaysia. I got back to the office, my BOSS cleaned my desk because it was such an eyesore.
I don’t know what is wrong with my head. Yesterday, I spring clean my room, my car, and now it’s like a new project of what I need to buy and do to it.
I know, there is something wrong with me. This is going overboard. First cleaning – who knows what’s next in store. I AM NOT ME ANYMORE!
My guy friends were in my car yesterday, and this was the picture
of my car that he shared on our BBM group.
And I will update this pic, with a picture of car later.
(I have sent it to be washed and vacuumed!)
In War, There is No Unwounded Soldiers
Its not uncommon, to the ones with gifted assets, that wearing a shirt, will always be a battle to us. But like any other soldiers, we brave it on even when face with situations like “The revelation” (where, your button pops open, and your grandma’s bra goes exposed,) or “Can no longer hold it in” (the buttons, gave up on you) too many times.
So today, I decided to brave it on. Putting on my black puffed sleeve shirt that is left with only 3 buttons. The other two soldiers, decided to abandon its post during the washing machine warm cycle. Those cowards! And this is after having them new recruits that I have employed for – from ZA ALTERA. Ugh, new recruits, they are not as tough as the originals. Leaving post, even before the battle.
So, since I have decided to pair them up with high waist skirt, I thought, the 3 buttons would be able to hold on, at least for this one battle.
But, battlefield is a not an easy game. Even before I reach the office, one button has done its last fastening.
One button down! One button down!!
While driving, and adjusting my tuck-ins, he decided he has done its time.
One down, TWO to go. Its not even office hours yet, the two soldiered on! Oh how proud I am of this two, for they are the ones that are in for the tough battle. They are at the “peak of the battlefield”, or the two gay hobbits, fighting at MOUNT DOOM. At approximately 9.15am today, he lost the battle today.
Final trumpet plays for the last of its fastening
No time for proper recruits! If you have face this battles before, you know your reinforcements. You either have your back ups troops stashed somewhere, or at least you know where to get your contract killers. Its unconventional, and some may say, disreputable tactics that you are deploying. But the battle must go on. There’s a war transpiring, and you can’t give up on. One safety pin left from the drawer, let’s hope it last through the day.
ANOTHER MEANINGLESS DREAM
I was staring at the pc in a room that was a mixture of Uni days cybercafé and with the deadbeat pc that I use in my office. I was browsing through news and gossips when it the headline makes my heart drops. I couldn’t believe it, another young celeb, gone too soon.
He died of a car crash, and although I am not a huge fan of him, I felt overwhelm with sadness. I kept reading, and I understand that his whole family died in this tragic accident, and the only family left to handle the burial, happens to be a friend of mine. In that dream, everything else then went into whirlwind mode. As I was just in so much shock of the death and that my best friend is related to him.
Then it just went into a different room. One that I cannot even made out whether it was a bedroom or a living room. I am watching TV. And the news hit me again. I got excited, called up other friends and was like can u believe it? She is related to JT.
Why am I writing about this crap? I donno. Maybe I am trying to create meaning to a meaningless dream. Who cares? I’m doing it coz I can. It’s a working day, from a long a four day weekend. No one is in the office, and no one is bugging me. Let me enjoy this!
Anyhow, if this is meant to have any purpose - this proving wiki’s definition of A dream is a succession of images, thoughts, sounds, or emotions passing through the mind during sleep.[1] The content and purpose of dreams are not fully understood ....
Its not over, till its better?
Maybe he's right, when he said,
"I feel like I'm just something you pass your time till something better comes your way,"
Maybe, there is nothing better out there that you are waiting for. Just a fantasy of the unknown. The idea that it could be different. Maybe the something better, is what I wish u were.
I never believed that things are complicated. We make them complicated. But then again, I also believe in a completely different alter universe, where fairies do exist. Go figure.
I don't know what I want. Maybe, I've been wanting all the wrong things. Happiness is overrated. Yes, I know that. Why do u think I settle for temporary happiness.
Maybe we are all not waiting for something better, I like to think we are hoping for something better. A better job, a better partner, a better life overall.
We pick on the little things, flaws, and wish for something extravagant, because we refuse to settle in and think, this is all there is to our little life. We want to know that is a little room for uncertainty for something more tomorrow. Why does it seem wrong that we cannot be fulfilled easily and be content with mediocre?
Why do you make me feel guilty for wanting more?
Momentary Happiness
Went out drinking yesterday. After 2 big glasses of hoegaarden, and 1 baby glass, I'm already emotional.
Damn. Thought this is suppose to give me some sense of warm sense of momentary lapse of how sucky everything is and make me feel fuzzy. But instead I got home, still pissed at god knows what and slept.
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