Just remember to breathe

Just remember to breathe

It just gets so hard sometimes.
I woke up with a gasp everyday. Like waiting for a bad dream to end. Left to my own devices, I falter.

I miss your laughter. I wonder again, why you would think it. I came up with so many conclusions. But none would get you back.

Its getting harder. I am forgetting I even exist sometimes. I can’t move myself. I have to tell myself to breathe and go on.

I was sitting down and random thoughts of you came into my mind. Its been 3 weeks. You are still haunting me.

I wanted to go see you, then they told me about my ex. He seems happy. Maybe you will too when you are not with me. I broke down.

xoxo

Rollo Tomassi

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Rain on me, call the parade

Rain on me, call the parade

Another working day, another lonely day. I woke up, late for a meeting, driving to work, morning drivers made you feel like hitting the wall and just kill yourself. Came to the meeting, you walked around and realized – these shoes are too small, I bought shoes that is not my size. I am going to write that suicide note tonite. I miss him too much. Swearing on the damn beautiful black painful half size smaller heels, I drag my colleagues to get coffee and donuts. Then she paid for it, makes me smile and say thank you. She had no idea, how much that meant. That gesture of generosity made my heart leaped a little. Then I dragged my feet to Starbucks, to get some buzz.

Caramel macchiato sounds great to start the morning, took my drink to the counter, I wanted to find a place to sit. Clumsily I spilled the whole brand new not even a sip macchiato all over the place. Grumbling I went back in, great just what I needed. The cashiers smiled and said don’t worry about it and made me a new drink. FOC.

Work ended. I miss him even more now. Went for a smoke. They were sitting there. Not my favorite crowd. Sat with them, and he asked how’s NY, with a smile. Just what I needed….

I spilled the beans, how he called me a whore, how he jumps to conclusion. They looked at me and now attention was on me. I like. Questions flying, I started telling the story. No judging they said all they had in mind. It made me smile, and she said “Maybe coz you are too hot,” I laughed. I told them I’m not and I don’t need the pep talk. I like myself, but I know what I am. They tried to convince me, I smiled. Its cute. Like an interview, questions flying and he held my shoulder and said hang in there. It made me think, “Suicide note- not today”

After being the laughing stock, stuck in the bathroom, then being accused of something you would never do- crying your eyes out- and feel it couldn’t get any worse. Suddenly, little things happened made you realize. Everything comes to an end, but there are times, that little things can make you smile and make your day. And realizing that, when others take for granted, the simple things, it came to me. I’m in love with life, good or bad. With that, suicide letter failed it attempt.

xoxo
Rollo Tomassi

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Remind me never to go that far, leave me with a scar..

Remind me never to go that far, leave me with a scar..

I'm a little bit tired of fearing that I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys

In the midst of it all, I know I have to be okay. Not for me, but for those around me.
You called a disease spreading whore, and I still couldn’t believe its you. But now I have to fold, but because these hands are just too shaky too hold on. When you know it’s a losing game, you just have to.
I can’t keep being a human bandage and cater to your needs and become a casualty in this so-called games. You can tell me your best lies, and I can’t keep losing my mind. If love is something you cannot bear, I will tie up my laces and run for freedom.
I can’t have others feeling sympathy, for I am not sorry. I can’t keep telling my lies to myself. If it had to end, if this is the way, I’m boarding the flight out.
I can’t show weakness, for she’ll be weaker. I need to be strong and play pretend. Do you even know how hard it is? You don’t, cause you never think for anybody else, except the hell that you created. The character that I keep playing, allow me to forget my name. So be it.

xoxo

Rollo Tomassi

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