Find a cure for my life

Find a cure for my life

It’s a long weekend.

Baby showers, weddings, farewells, cocktails, euro final,

…and… my first date after months….

I cant believe it! I went out on my first date after my break up- (4 months) yesterday. And if last time he was 5 years older, this time – his ten years older and balding. Weird. But he is the complete opposite of PCFC. Maybe, this should be the way right?

The moment I arrive, the only parking available was the place where I had my dinner with PCFC. How freaked out I felt. I never compared before exes on dates, but now I am. Conversations involved him most of it, I was trying not to. And the whole time, like the same way, I keep defending him. Why he is coked up, why he is so delusional or coked up.

It was funny though, walking back to the car.. he was trying to hold me, and I pulled away. It felt weird. He had his arms around my waist, and I find a reason to break free. But I had fun, but I can’t get myself to be like before. Again… my last relationship officially f**ked me up.

The whole time I was looking at him, I realized, that he too have the two bumps on his nose. My heart aches a little bit. Damn

Later, with much wine, and Cosmo’s, he managed to steal few kisses. And I just kept thinking in my head… Its not him…. Its okay…….. Let it be…

In my head, the date wasn't the same as when it was you and me... I didn't get the same feeling, it wasn't the same high and the oh-the awkwardness. Maybe, it's a good thing that its not the same...

This is my second kiss of the year… and I can’t deal with it..

Rollo Tomassi on her first date

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Not my proudest moment

Not my proudest moment

I am not at a good state of mind.. Had too fast of drinks.. with an empty stomache... there goes my diet...

I had guys staring at me thinking of 20 different ways they could f**k me.. I had guys coming up with me telling them- its a lame attempt, or ditching them to go hang out with my friends..

I had a good day... a fun day...

But in the corner of my mind, I imagine, you were there, staring. I imagine, coming home, and you are on my bed.. telling me you are sorry. Telling me, you've been an idiot to think that I would do such a thing to you, and that no one could replace me. You held me and tell me that you understood that I lied saying I did all those,i lie admitting to all accusations just to make you happy.

I woke up in the morning, laying in bed for 15 minutes. Trying to grab any memories I have of you, to hold on to that good feeling, that I missed.

In reality you've moved on, thinking I'm a whore. Fucking that blondie Ukraine chick that you once told me was a horrible f**k.

But I still choose to live in this fantasy... why?

xoxo
Rollo Tomassi after few drinks and Beauty & Beast show

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Reason To Hate

Reason To Hate

Anna Pruduck.. you may think I am obsessing but I need a reason to be pissed. So that’s my reason.
Her- with her perfect hair, perfect smile, and perfect job. Her perfect-ness with my imperfect ex. And yet – in the corner of my head – I remember him saying – the sex was horrible and her stay was awkward. Or did my melancholy, anger driven PMS drive me to an illusion of past that never have been said.

I am bad @ my job. I can’t do this. I have not been able to do it for years. Why do I keep trying?

And the bearer of bad news – aren’t you an imbecile without knowledge of even how to do your job!

I hate the smell of cigarette that is stuck on me like I am a walking ashtray. And my hair – oh my god! Don’t be deceived by the look. I am pretending to not care – but again – look carefully.
That jacket that was chosen specifically of the rack to make you think I don’t care with those matching pants may lie to.

And I could smell the stink of my hair that is overbearing. Too much so- that I could feel the edge filling my noise with Styrofoam ink, so I’ll blue without a sense of smell.

xoxo
Rollo Tomassi on a bad day

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No more calls to squeeze the air out of you, yet you still can't breathe

No more calls to squeeze the air out of you, yet you still can't breathe

On a nite like this, why do I still feel empty.

Woke up, felt like crap.
My head felt like a bunch of clown on clogs decided to do tap dancing.
I put on my ex favourite dress. Remembered how he screwed me in it in Sydney. Amazing times.
I put on the big electric belt that I just bought, and looked in the mirror. Yes, I said to myself. It is too short. But f**k it!
Rushed down the stairs, my mom was crying. Damn! Is this because of me? I can’t deal with this. My selfish thoughts rushed through me.

Another mind-numbing routine @ the office staring at the computer, thinking how did I get here.
I saw his note to me in February.
A cut and paste on Psychopath with my picture in it.
That’s all the effort I get. A cut and paste note.

Driving back, I started crying.
His face is in my head, and my heart hurts again.
I want him to know the truth, I don’t care anymore, I want to be happy.
Please, please, please, let him wake up and see the truth, I pleaded pathetically.

Quickie nap.
Woke up with her calls. She has a confession. I convinced myself. Must be the reason she called.
Put on Little Miss Bad green t-shirt with shorts. Time for HULK.
Got in his car, wait for him to shower. Damn, I just missed the advertisements.

I miss him again. The ache hurts.

After much of extreme with flaws CG of Mr. Green, head down to Mickey D’s
Stomping on my heels, I watched the game.

What more would a girl ask?
Tight white jerseys on the Portuguese hot body and oh those tight as*es.
I imagine watching a football game with him. Ouch.
I have to stop this.

Got home.
Asked him to drop me on the side of the street.
Ran in the house. Find a space
Continued watching the second half.
2 dead asleep warm bodied blood related monkeys were there.
The TV stared at them.
I talked a bit to my brother about the movies and game.
Then I head to sleep.

Another day ends.
In another week.

xoxo

Rollo Tomassi - on her daily day to day

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Hate is a strong word.

Hate is a strong word.

I miss him again.

I wonder where, how and who are you with now.

This is pathetic

xoxo
Rollo Tomassi - lost her heart

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The shock sets in, and the acid stomache finds a new way to make you sick!

The shock sets in, and the acid stomache finds a new way to make you sick!

I had my head out of the window, like a b#*tch with her tongue out, while the wind caresses my face, and my saliva spurting all over. I passed the paddy field, tobacco field, and greens after greens. Make you wonder, how my life would have been, if I was born and bred away from the city? What kind of person would I be? Would I conform and lead a simple life? Or would I be who I am today and struggle to understand why do I feel like an outcast.

I have made the same decision over and over again, and chose the same path, but it doesn't make it any easier my friend.

xoxo

Rollo Tomassi back from the countryside, taok and eko nako

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Happy Shiny People

Happy Shiny People

Due to my brand new happy self -

My new look now is

B yellow, be bold, be shiny and happy. Scrub yourself from all those grim and grits of the city and just be.

And just for happy reminiscing moment - he had to inspire this look- hey i was his bunny for a year whether he likes it or not - or wish to delete it. But i know people who wish they had traded place with him last year.

There's interesting choices of yellow dresses over at Ms & Mrs, will try to check out more shops in bangsar to find out the latest and cheapest available summer looks!

And there's a replica of the pink dress over at Ms & Mrs. and the white shoes over at VINCCI (available colours - champagne/black/ silver)

xoxo
Rollo Tomassi

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Unbroken, and steer away

Unbroken, and steer away

I’m through. Why does it take too long for me to realize?

You are a freaking poster child – (though child sounds funny since you are already 31years old!) for cocaine. You are the reason why people should stay away from drugs. Because you just lost your mind! And if you are not careful, you are going to lose your friends.

I wanted to roll out of bed laughing when u said, I send your friends drinks on facebook because I screw someone and post the video on facebook. Its just too f**king hilarious even for you! It must really suck being you. I take back my words of calling you not creative – you really are creative too the point that you have no f**king valid argument. Till you need to succumb using circumstantial arguments. In other words it’s the same as saying, you have long hair, therefore you must be a two-dollar hooker because that’s what long hair people do! See how psychotic you are!

I had a good weekend! Went to a reggae bar that was not playing reggae music! And saw the hottest 22 years old I ever laid eyes on. Sigh…

Then had a random conversation with a couple of boys from England – that have been staying over @ Thailand for years. And our conversations involve how interesting the green curry is there! :P

Then going back met a stoned Italian then randomly walked to our car in an army t-shirt. 23. Sigh, young boys are so in, this summer. Fuck the 30 year olds. The younger the better. I’m done with mature a guy who acts like babies. If I need to burp them and feed them, I might as well go with one that have no issue GETTING IT UP. Okay, I’m all for the mean girls today. Must be too much of the “f**king whore” messages from the PCFC (poster child for cocaine).

The next the reggae party was amazingly good for rejuvenating your eyes. He said he loved my skirt and wouldn’t mind me in bunking in bed. That was enough to make me be on cloud nine. Sigh…. that baby face on dreads. My absolute pure weakness. I am so tempted to fly to KK, looking at you hitting that I-have-no-idea-what-it-is, and it sounds-good-as-long-as-I-stare-at-your face. Instead, I go home and fantasize of you. Driving back I realize, when I have my boys back, I’m happy again. I totally traded my boys for my girlfriends. They even helped check out the guys who were checking me out. Better still, update the downloads on GG.

I look as high as a kite, swaying to the music at the party. Truth is, with PCFC bombarding me ridiculous messages, who needs drugs! It’s enough to make me appreciate life and enjoy it- knowing that at least I STILL HAVE MY SANITY!

xoxo
Rollo Tomassi have gotten her sanity intact

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