Find a cure for my life

Monday

Find a cure for my life

It’s a long weekend.

Baby showers, weddings, farewells, cocktails, euro final,

…and… my first date after months….

I cant believe it! I went out on my first date after my break up- (4 months) yesterday. And if last time he was 5 years older, this time – his ten years older and balding. Weird. But he is the complete opposite of PCFC. Maybe, this should be the way right?

The moment I arrive, the only parking available was the place where I had my dinner with PCFC. How freaked out I felt. I never compared before exes on dates, but now I am. Conversations involved him most of it, I was trying not to. And the whole time, like the same way, I keep defending him. Why he is coked up, why he is so delusional or coked up.

It was funny though, walking back to the car.. he was trying to hold me, and I pulled away. It felt weird. He had his arms around my waist, and I find a reason to break free. But I had fun, but I can’t get myself to be like before. Again… my last relationship officially f**ked me up.

The whole time I was looking at him, I realized, that he too have the two bumps on his nose. My heart aches a little bit. Damn

Later, with much wine, and Cosmo’s, he managed to steal few kisses. And I just kept thinking in my head… Its not him…. Its okay…….. Let it be…

In my head, the date wasn't the same as when it was you and me... I didn't get the same feeling, it wasn't the same high and the oh-the awkwardness. Maybe, it's a good thing that its not the same...

This is my second kiss of the year… and I can’t deal with it..

Rollo Tomassi on her first date