Scissors Kick - Valentine’s Day Special

Monday

Scissors Kick - Valentine’s Day Special

When a friend called at noon on Saturday, I was still too lazy to respond, but I picked up the phone anyway. On the other line, while she was saying other stuff the only thing I could hear was lap dancing V-day special. In my head – I ain’t got nothing for V-day – but that would be an interesting lesson to follow. Since I’m too lazy to get out of bed, we schedule for Sunday. Lap Dancing – that wouldn’t be too hard huh? I shake my booty before and bump and grind around men before – and heck – I have strip dance (an unlimited amount of alcohol is needed in this situation, and illuminated light that enhances your silhouette) before. How wrong I was.

So I drove on a Sunday afternoon – no frigging clue what to expect – and what I would see. In my heads jumbled up thoughts: maybe it’s a bunch of old ladies trying to spice up their sex life – the next thought was alarming – I hope I don’t bump into anybody I know. Geared in my beige – f**k-me-bunny- heels, my brother’s grey shirt and some daddy’s blue tie – I realize I would look like a blind school teacher dressed me up as a stripper. Nothing matched. Hilarious!

We were late because I insisted that I wanted some lunch from the Mickey Dees that involves a fish, some fries and a large coke. Upon arriving, they have learned to shake their booty while I quickly try to put on my heels and make a run towards the lessons. Definitely no old married ladies around, but some hot asses ladies wanting to sweat it out in a sexy way. The instructor was this cute little bombshell, with a tattoo of flowers on her leg and an English accent. Funny and simply flexible- bending every part the right way.

Trying to catch up with the rest was hard enough – my a** was moving like a robot – and it wasn’t a pretty sight. First was the sexy strut walking towards the guy on the chair. The walk was supposed to be slow and seductive and looking at the instructor doing it – I thought it would be a piece of cake. Wrong again. Instead of being sexy – I was wobbly in my heels and when I pop my a**, I look horrendously uncomfortable. The rest was even harder. My legs seemed to bend instead of being straight as we tried to accomplished the “POSE” which involves lowering your body as you caress your legs (spread out) – reaching towards your ankle. Then you touch the floor with your hands as your face is in between your spread looking at your Valentine. Imagine – this wannabe stripper- leg spread wide- looking in between them- with a face of pain and agony trying to have her hands reach the ground. As if that wasn’t bad enough, you know how strippers move to the side, one leg straight up; they begin caressing from the ankle down to the bum. My leg cannot be straight – and it was just such pain. And last but not least, the scissor kick, as you lay flat on your back, legs spread for a peek, and then closed and doing the worm.

Overall it was fun, with great choreography, and I just simply love the instructor. Would I embarrass myself trying again? Hell yeah!! Would I do it for my Valentine?

I would need a lot of red wine (to have the courage to be laughed at – instead of turning him on) and other substance (so that I wouldn’t feel the stretching pain).

xoxo
Rollo Tomassi