Sometimes.. but just sometimes

Tuesday

Sometimes.. but just sometimes

I know I’m over you. But sometimes, just sometimes… my thoughts starts to look for you. It started slowly, with some random thoughts. Like an ambuscade hidden deep within my some half damage eaten away by zombie braincells.. just waiting for the right moment to spring its trap. When it reveals, you just can’t shoot back. But watch it unfold.

As much as I thought I threw away every thought of you, I guess, there are some parts of you hidden locked somewhere. And sometimes… just sometimes.. my mind would go on a rampage search, in need of whatever that is left in this messed up memory to find, any thoughts left of you.

Funny now, I realized all the things that you always say so proudly about us. I finally understood it. Like how messed up our ramblings thoughts were, we knew the other would understand it. I can’t ascribe any cosmic big bang theory to it, I can’t say it was …. ; 

I can’t make sense out of it. 

But there’s nothing like passionate, perplexing, unimaginable kind of love that can edify you and change your perception towards anything real. The way you made me push myself to be more than what I am, for f*ck sakes, you can even make me google all day on vexillology of Romania, by just saying about one flag that you are infatuated with. And later speak of it like an expert on the whole history of romanian flags.

The way we love. It was a competition to self-destruction, because while you are at it, you are the best of you, the worst of you, the apotheosis of oneself. When it’s over… You lose the strength to ever be anything like it. Maybe, you will get that kind of love, only once in your life. If you ever come close to anything like it again, you let it go. It’ s enough. Once is enough.

As much as I loathe you, or I curse myself every time I use you as reference, I guess you would still have something up on a pedestal. As I said before, I’ll say it again. You were everything I never knew I wanted. But once this smile fades, I’ll hate you again. And you’ll be polyonymous, but not to anything that you would want to know the meaning of.