Just let me be

Monday

Just let me be

You don’t know what it feels. You are scared to know. And I would never tell.

I’m crying and laughing at the same time. I lost my sanity, And this hormones are driving me to my precipice.

I play pretend. I studied the mask. I had it on for so long, that I have abandoned every emotion I ever had. So that, they hear what they want to hear. They all only see what they want to see. I don’t even know what I feel anymore.

And when you push every feelings you have, you hide every pain, you empty every memory. And all you are, is just hollow.

As I keep crying, I can’t describe. Waves of pain and emotion. I cannot speak.

They don’t know how I feel. They never will. I’ll never tell.

I have taken every accusation. Every assumption. Every wrong. And I keep silent,

I am not a victim. Don’t get me wrong. But I just cannot say, what I want to say. I just cannot be.

In moments of conflict, I give up the fight and I just be.

So I do what I do best. I say to you, to all, to everyone…. everything that they want to hear. As I cut myself again. Again and again. So that I could swallow all this pain, and you wouldn’t feel a thing.

I am not righteous. I don’t do it for you. I do it for me.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want your sympathy. I don’t want any of that bullshit. I just want one day to bath myself in this pain and anguish. I just ask for one day, to let me be, what I can not be in front you. I just want to give this one day that I deserve.